Empty

Have you ever missed someone so much it hurt? Physical pain? My grandma has been absent from the body and present with The Lord for 45 days now. I miss her terribly. I miss her smile. Her hug. Her being. She's gone. I can't find her here. When I call my grandpa her voice is still the greeting on the answering machine. I know I'll see her again. I'm thankful for that. But the reality of her gone brings me to my knees. God please help me. It hurts so bad.

Gone

You're gone. 

Cards keep coming. They are sweet. 

The days are hard. And the nights long. 

The cards are covering the table. 

People visit. They glance at the cards. 

They are little standing pieces of paper symbolizing your absence. 

Time goes by. 

Cards stop coming. 

Do we take them down? Put them away? Can we keep them there forever? 

Like you're coming back to read them. 

Just want you to come back. Make the cards disappear. Wouldn't have a reason for them. 

Days go by. 

The cards are put away. 

We sit in silence. I stare at where they used to be. 

He left one standing. 

She's not coming back.  

The nights are long and the days are empty with out you. 

I said it.

Damn you sinuses. Literally. I mean that. 

Definition of damn: 

1. 1.

   (in Christian belief) be condemned by God to suffer eternal punishment in hell.

   "be forever damned with Lucifer"

   
   

   
   

   I don't remember a time before I could breathe normal. 

oh how he loves...

honestly...Psalm 77 is my life right now. my heart. my feelings.

funny..we will be married 7 years tomorrow.

how is that possible? time is not gracious. it does not stop. even in your struggles. or hurt. it just keeps going. and here we are.

i know 7 is the number of perfection.

i feel so far from that.

frustrated.

weighed down.
does anyone see?
anyone care?
sunday comes and we put on the fake smiles
walk through the doors
but dont open our eyes.
walk right past the hurting.
the broken.
in our own little world.

this could be their last time.
to reach out.
to want help.

what am i doing to reach?
do i even care?

there is no fear in love..

i have been thinking about how scared i am. about a lot of things.
mark has commented on it a lot too so i know its a problem. i love my husband and how gentle he is with me. He always points me back to the Word.....which is where i am tonight.
I have done a lot of word studies on the word "fear" and ill walk away feeling the Lord strengthen me...but then a few days or weeks later i feel back at square one. and it seems to be getting worse as the years go by.

i'm not sure the root of this fear though. i am praying about it and want it revealed so i can totally surrender this and let Him heal me.

its selfish of me to hold on. to put fear above Christ.

Psa 27:1 [[[A Psalm] of David.]] The LORD [is] my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD [is] the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Psa 27:3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this [will] I [be] confident.

Psa 34:7 The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.

Psa 56:4 In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

so im in the middle of this "fear" study when all of a sudden i hear what sounds like 4 gun shots in our neighborhood. my heart jumped in my throat. i instantly panicked. Thank you Lord for that test. and for calming me down!

Psa 118:6 The LORD [is] on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?

Pro 1:33 But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.

Pro 3:25 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.

Ecc 3:14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth [it], that [men] should fear before him.

Ecc 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this [is] the whole [duty] of man.

Isa 14:3 ¶ And it shall come to pass in the day that the LORD shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve....


^
i needed to read that above verse! wow.....thank you Lord........

Isa 35:4 Say to them [that are] of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come [with] vengeance, [even] God [with] a recompence; he will come and save you.

Isa 41:10 Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Isa 41:13 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

Isa 43:1 But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called [thee] by thy name; thou [art] mine.

Isa 44:8 Fear ye not, neither be afraid: have not I told thee from that time, and have declared [it]? ye [are] even my witnesses. Is there a God beside me? yea, [there is] no God; I know not [any].

Luk 8:50 But when Jesus heard [it], he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.

Luk 12:5 But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.

Luk 12:7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Rom 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

2Cr 7:1 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

Hbr 13:6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord [is] my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

1Jo 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Rev 2:10 Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast [some] of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.

well, thats all for tonight.
hope you were blessed as i was.
love, Gina

stretching...

you know that moment you have right before something huge is about to happen? i have that feeling.

 i have been praying for a long time, God use me. i want to do something big for You. i want to get out of my comfort zone. i want to help. Specifically, He has put the broken on my heart. the ones that are in such despair that they are thinking of taking their own life. 

i have never been in that place personally but have struggled with depression. and have known a man that was and ended his life. i saw him a few months before it happened. he was popular. he had a lot of friends. he seemed happy the last time i saw him. but it was a lie. how many people are around me that are thinking of taking their own lives? that are too scared to reach out for help and talk to someone? 

i found the Post Secret App for the iphone/ipod and i started seeing all the people that were trying to reach out for help on there. it was beautiful seeing all these strangers come together and try and help this hurting person. unfortunately you were at the mercy of that person and couldn't hold a conversation because the app would shut down or that person could just delete their post. or it could get flagged which would get it deleted. 

after the App was shut down i was searching for ways to help. to get involved. thats how i found ImAlive. its a great idea. and i can't wait to get behind it. i have no experience in that field BUT more than anything i want to be there for anyone that feels that way. i want to be on the other end to love on this person and let them know they are not alone. that people care. 

God created us with a purpose. i know its easy sometimes to get away from that and live for ourselves. when you get away from the truth and Gods word, satan will do everything he can to deceive you. to destroy you. 

there IS hope. 

ImAlive requires a commitment of 4 hours a week for training and volunteering. i started thinking about it...there are so many things i waste 4 hours of time on in just one week... i could spend 4 hours in one evening just watching my shows. 

thats another thing--while watching said shows there was always this thought in the back of my head, this is so vain. i could be doing so much more. 

its an honor to give up this things to train and grow and get to be there for these beautiful people that need help. It's a calling. i cannot not listen. i can't wait to get started. . 

if you are interested in what I'm talking about, heres the link:

ImAlive

please pray for me as God leads me through this. I'm very excited about it and seeing where He takes me with this. 

here are some verses that I'm coming to that i know is my reason:

Psa 78:7 That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments:

Rom 15:13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

2Cr 1:3 ¶ Blessed [be] God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;

2Cr 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

2Cr 1:5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.

2Cr 1:6 And whether we be afflicted, [it is] for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, [it is] for your consolation and salvation.

2Cr 1:7 And our hope of you [is] stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so [shall ye be] also of the consolation.

2Cr 1:8 ¶ For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life:

2Cr 1:9 But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:

2Cr 1:10 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver [us];

2Cr 1:11 Ye also helping together by prayer for us, that for the gift [bestowed] upon us by the means of many persons thanks may be given by many on our behalf.

2Cr 1:12 ¶ For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward.

1Pe 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and [be] ready always to [give] an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

Psa 69:20 Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness: and I looked [for some] to take pity, but [there was] none; and for comforters, but I found none.

Psa 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Pro 25:25 [As] cold waters to a thirsty soul, so [is] good news from a far country.

and basically all of 1 Peter chapter 4. 

Pro 12:25 Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.

thanks for reading!

love, Gina